Family Christmas Letter

Every year, our family writes a Christmas letter. Every person's role in the writing of this letter is crucial: We, the DeWitt Boys, provide the material; Dad writes the letter (a job little more than stenography, really); and Mom acts as Censor.

So, without further buildup, here's this year's DeWitt Family Christmas Letter, which was sent out to family and friends this week and concurrently submitted to the Pulitzer Prize Committee.

DeWitt Family Christmas Letter 2005
In this age of the interweb, it seems redundant to write a Christmas letter, particularly when the DeWitt Boys are maintaining their own blog. But in case you’re allergic to keyboards or have an inexplicable fear of blasting off into cyberspace, here’s a short rundown of the DeWitt/Coffman Family’s major events:

1. New Arrival: In case you missed our award-winning Christmas Letter 2004, Donovan was born on St. Patrick’s Day. Now, on to our feature presentation…

2. Graduation: Mom became a doctor, but as Jackson pointed out, “she’s not the kind of doctor who helps people.” Armed with her new degree and the blast of freedom and ambition that comes with it, she packed her new leather briefcase and… took a job a block away at the Center for Developmental Science. She’s the Assistant Director, which means her duties encompass all those the Director is unwilling to take on. She is also continuing in her role leading a major research project that has, to date, produced no tangible results. But did we mention Jen’s now a doctor?

3. Movin’ On Up: Dave continued his meteoric rise up the ladder of public radio, where he remains the only employee whose main dietary intake is not organic kasha and Gerolstenier water. His job title remains Managing Editor, which means he… manages… the… editing… Yeah, that’s it. Anyway, it sounds important, he has an office, and every once in a while he gets to chew out an intern. Doesn’t get much better than that.

4. Birthday Themes: Jackson turned four, and Bob the Builder pulled out all the stops. A Bob piñata, a Bob cake, Bob napkins and plates. Quite a hit. Donovan turned one on St. Patrick’s Day, but instead of lots o’green, he started in on his slim fast diet (he’s a little on the pudgy side). Fortunately, Mom and Dad didn’t have birthdays this year, so we’ve got that going for us. Which is nice.

5. Follicles: This year in the DeWitt/Coffman house it was all about hair. Donovan’s hair curling into ringlets; Jackson’s hair hanging over his eyes; Dave’s hair graying (even on the back of his head); and Jen’s hair... well, her hair didn’t change all that much. But let’s not let that ruin a good hook for the Annual Christmas Letter.

6. New Whip: The major event of the year came in October, when we bought a Toyota Sienna LE minivan, complete with a 3.3-liter DOHC 24-valve VVT-i V6 engine, split fold-down rear seats, 12 cup holders, 3 bottle holders, and a whole lot of attitude. It’s so hip, Jen’s a little too intimidated to drive it, unless she’s got some school stuff to haul. Or when we make the trek to Ohio and/or Pennsylvania – which, fortunately, happens three times a month. It already has over 100,000 miles on it, which puts us over the warranty. But Toyota gave us a free oil change anyway because we broke some sort of record for “Quickest-to-Six-Figures-on-the-Odometer.”

And now, time for the big finish: Jackson graduated from the Duckling Class to the Fish Class at Triangle Presbyterian Preschool, where he was voted by his classmates “Most Likely To Run For Mayor Of A Suburban South Central Pennsylvania Community”... Donovan has an incredible vertical leap for a one-year old with an old man gut... We now have a Kroger Plus Card to go with our Harris-Teeter VIC (Very Important Customer) card… No new tattoos or piercings to report... And the new year will bring the Boys a new cousin to call their own; no word on the gender of the baby, which just seems so 19th Century, doesn’t it?

Merry Christmas to all.