Bed Time

Donovan here. We've settled into quite a post-dinner routine here at The DeWitt House. As a help to any future babysitters (as if Mom and Dad ever go out anymore) I've gone to the trouble of writing out a detailed schedule:

7:00: Race Dad to the top of the stairs. If it appears you might not win, scream at the top of your lungs, wait for Dad to stop, and then blow by him. At the top of the stairs, commence taunting.

7:05: Jackson showers. Routine goes something like this: Mom or Dad starts water, waits for it to heat up... Jackson gets in, complains it's too hot... Water temperature adjusted... Jackson complains it's too cold... Repeat at least three times... Once Mom or Dad yells "Just get in!" Jackson takes hand-held shower, soaks every part of the stall except himself... After 10 minutes, Mom or Dad tells him to finish up... Jackson shampoos back half of head, forgets to rinse, gets out of shower, and announces he's ready for his snack.

7:15: I take a bath. I hurt myself no fewer than three times, usually when a rubber fish or stray soap bottle catches me in the eye. I only get out when I am promised Mom's giant green towel and lots of hugs.

7:25: Snack: two gummi vites, four mini-muffins, cheesy crackers, fruit snacks, and water in a Cars cup (Jackson gets Lightning, I get whatever's left over).

7:30: House Hunters begins on HGTV. Jackson watches intently while sprawled on Mom and Dad's bed and wagers on which house they will choose.

7:35 (or first commercial break): Jackson asks for more fruit snacks. Mom says"No." Jackson asks to watch Designed to Sell after House Hunters. "Depends on your behavior," says Mom. Dad concurs.

7:45: Dad warns us not to get snack crumbs on his side of the bed. Mom calls him a "Princess."

7:50: I go to my room to play with my cars. Dad follows. He gets the blue car; I get the green. Unless I want the blue one, then he gets the Monster Truck. But sometimes, I want the Monster Truck. So he takes the white convertible. But that's my favorite. After 10 minutes, he stretches out on my futon and pretends to be asleep. I sneak up and jump knees-first onto his groin. Dad pretends to be injured. I laugh and laugh.

7:55: Jackson shouts that he "just knew" that the house the couple chooses on House Hunters was the one he thught they would choose. He begs again to watch Designed To Sell (or, if it's Saturday, reDesign with well-dressed designer Kenneth Brown). Mom and Dad say no. Jackson cries. Is told he will lose reading time if he continues. Stomps off to room in a huff. Starts looking at books. Forgets he's mad.

8:05: Dad reads me a book; Mom reads Jackson a book.

8:15: Switch

8:25: Bed Time. I beg them to leave my door open. I'm denied. I beg them to leave my light on. I'm denied. Mom distracts me with a nice hug and kiss and sprints to the bedroom door before I can head her off. She closes it and locks it from the outside, like I'm a mini-convict. Did I mention that Jackson falls asleep every night with his DOOR OPEN and his LIGHT ON! Maybe I should yank on my nipple all day and not learn how to tie my shoes, than I can get special treatment, too...

8:26 - 8:30: I yell and scream until I pass out on the futon.

8:30: Jackson falls asleep in his doorway. This is so unfair I can't even talk about it anymore.

9:00: Mom and/or Dad checks on us. Moves Jackson to his bed and turns off light. Moves me into my bed.

Midnight - 7:00 am: Wake up everyone in house several times, just to keep Mom and Dad on their toes.