Happy Half-Birthday Evy!
Today, our cousin Evy is 6 months old. Ah, we remember those days. Crawling only on the finest woven carpets... carefree stroller rides through pristine parks with chocolate waterfalls... sleeping a blissful 18 hours a day...
Well live it up, Baby Evelyn. Because it's all downhill from there. When you're 4, your life is all about getting locked in your room for giving your brother "The Heisman", crashing your bike into the side of the garage, and losing your last fruit snack behind the couch.
On this special day, we have compiled a list of do's and don't's for Evy as she grows into the fine young woman we know she will become (odds are with her that she'll be normal, as the first two of this generation of Coff-men are letting their parents down).
Here we go:
DO... smile a lot. It makes your parents happy and hides your devious intentions.
DON'T... spit up on yourself. It only makes you appear childish. And it stinks.
DO... root for the Yankees. They always win, because some guy named George has A LOT of money.
DON'T... root for the Pirates. See above, then reverse it.
DO... listen to your favorite cousins, as they will never steer you in the wrong direction. So when we tell you, in a few years, to eat that bug, trust us that it will be yummy.
DON'T... bother memorizing the planets, because some nerdy guys will just get together and rename your favorite one.
DO... learn to thumb-wrestle. First, you can dominate the notoriously stubby-fingered relatives on your Coffman side, and then you can go professional, earn big money, and pimp your crib.
DON'T... jump out of your crib (pimped out or otherwise). It looks appealing, but it actually hurts.
DO... Have a great birthday, even if it's not an official yearly one. Once you hit 2, they stop counting the half-birthdays. Next thing you know, they ship you off to pre-school, then Kindergarten, and beyond. Sure, maybe they'll let you live in the basement when you come home from college, but then what kind of life is that?
Oops, sorry Uncle Bob.
posted by The DeWitt Kids at 7:12 PM
2 Comments:
Thanks for the good wishes. I appreciated the helpful hints, too. I'm sure they will be put to good use. I've already mastered the smiling one. I'm still working on the not spitting up one - as I did it all over the computer keyboard last night. (Daddy says it stinks, but I say it smells like roses.) Eat some cake (or a donut) in my honor!
9:59 AM
You guys are just full of advice. Some of it is good, but some of it will just put bad ideas into your cousin's head! You must be getting some of those ideas from yor school friends, now that you are big school boys. You will be good role models for your cousin as you all grow up.
11:09 AM
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