20 Questions

Jackson here. I like to ask questions. I’m not so crazy about answering them, particularly with anything approaching the truth. But Mom and Dad insist, so I agreed to answer their questions, but in writing and with ample time to falsify the… I mean, prepare. Yeah, that’s it. Prepare.

So here are their 20 questions for me, along with my answers in my own (real) words, some of which were in responding to a direct question, while other opinions were offered with little to no prompting, and on my own schedule.

So, without further ado, let’s play 20 Questions:

20. Do you watch too much TV?
Of course not. And to prove it, I’ll ask you: Have you ever been to a Stouffers’ restaurant? No? Well, then you’re unaware that their macaroni and cheese is made WITH 100 PERCENT REAL CHEESE!

19. How can you run so fast?
Because of my thin legs.

18. What’s your favorite sport?
Baseball. Basketball. Soccer. Football. Hockey. Golf. Tennis. Bowling. Swimming. Bike riding. Wrestling. Swinging. Checkers. And riding on Grandma and Dodad’s Mule.

17. What’s your favorite body part?
I’m not allowed to say, but Donovan calls it a “mickle.”

16. What’s your favorite word?
Easy. “Conventubate” (n) It means: to empty an inflatable child’s pool of water, usually by stepping on one side, thus creating a small waterfall.

15. How long until you’re getting out of the tub?
8 minutes for me. 2 minutes for Donovan.

14. What’s the most annoying noise you can make?
I have two. I mimic a soccer referee’s whistle that sounds something like “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!” and I also have this sound that’s between an alarm clock and a European police siren, “AHHHH…. AHHHHH…. AHHHHH….AHHHHH!!!” I can do both of them for several minutes at a time.

13. What do you think of the Red Sox?
I don’t like ‘em, except that Big Ploppy guy.

12. Do you want to ride in the van or the race car?
The van, of course.

11. Why the van?
So I can sit up high and see everything, like construction… other cars… the red lights… that sort of thing.

10. Who took my gummy bears?
I don’t know… but I’d check Donovan’s teeth if I were you.

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A paleontologist.

8. What should Dad be when he grows up?
A weedwacker guy.

7. Why are you coming downstairs after you’ve gone to bed for the night?
Just to say how much I love you guys. You’re the best parents I’ve ever had. I love you. Can I get a hug? Thanks. Hey Mom? Dad? Can I stay up and watch just one more inning of the Yankees game?

6. Are you wearing your underwear?
Of course I am. What a silly question.

5. Can we see, please?
Um… uh… well… I sort of… kind of… they fell off when I was in the bathroom.

4. Where are they now?
Under the stool.

3. Why?
Because they pinch me. Can I go out and play?

2. Who’s asking the questions here?
(No response.)

1. Jackson, is it time for bed yet?
No. I am NOT going to bed! I am never going to bed again, so don’t ask me!

And while they’re at it, Mom and Dad have three questions for Donovan:

3. Donovan, who made this mess?
Jackson!

2. Who broke this toy?
Jackson!!

1. And who’s ready for bed?
Jackson! Jackson! JACKSON!!!