Mom's Birthday

Donovan here. So it's just another Sunday morning in North Carolina. Or so I thought. Around 11 or so, Mom and Dad pack me up and take me to the car... and it's 70 degrees outside! On January 2nd! What in the name of global warming is going on around here!

We go to eat - and by all appearances, I should be excited about that. After all, I'm the Giant Fat Baby. But, as usual, I can't eat what they're eating. No bacon. No eggs. I get stuck with the bottle of white water and the liquified fruit. Yeesh.

Then, just when I start feeling my mid-morning nap coming on, we get back in the car and drive to this giant building. All these people are going inside, wearing baby-blue shirts. And when we get in, the whole place is going nuts!

We start climbing stairs... we sit down... Mom says something to Dad... and then he sticks me up in the air and a flash of light goes off in my eyes. I'm disoriented for a few minutes, but no one notices. They're just looking at the back of the little box thing at this:



After that, it just gets worse. Two hours of people yelling, a band playing, general chaos. My brother is acting like this is the greatest thing in the world, but I don't get it. Finally, whatever it was ends and we walk back to our car. I'm too hyped to take my mid- AND late-afternoon naps, so when I get home I just sit around in this giant corral-like thing Mom and Dad have erected in the living room to try and keep me from eating all the DVD's.

Then, we eat again. They get spaghetti; I get runny green beans and a stale "fruit wheel." Blech! Then, as if they're rubbing my nose in it, they bring out this ice cream cake with candles and everyone sings and eats. I try to yell out "Hey! How about some ice cream cake for the Giant Fat HUNGRY Baby in the corner!" but it comes out "ah-boo, ah-boo, shhplexch!" And then I just drool down my shirt.

If this keeps up, I may actually have to stop smiling 95% of the time. That'll show 'em.